You know how travelling to another place, a very secluded place where getting there involves a 2 hour flight, another few hours of ferry ride and then a bus ride, you know you can get hours alone to sort your thoughts. I guess Krabi for me would primarily be an outlet for me to really reach down and dig deep the skeletons in me. I need to do that, heed the advice of Jan to take a day, think through, and if it isn't worth it, to leave it all.

It is very different since drifting, I suppress my emotions and wean my conversations and also feelings start to wane and waver. I used to be so naive and tell myself that all that was done were part of a scheme to test my resilience. Now I've come to realise (and probably infer) that it was all not a scheme to test but lack of interest. I could be jumping to conclusions but that's just how it feels eh, at this point in time. Well school's about to start and it just gets weird and awkward. Without having school to start, saying Hi takes a lot of strength and nerve.

Haha, its wishful thinking but it would be good if I could live in that few weeks for just one more time.

In Big Fish, Ewan McGregor's character was saying something about how times stands still when you see the love of your life and then it'll only double up its speed because time has to catch up with that little bit of stalled time?

Well if I could I would like to capture frames of my dreams and immortalize them. My dreams are as random as it can get but nonetheless, there are certain sweet ones which I wished were totally true.

This happened a couple of months ago, the day I sent her home after the beach. (this was reality)

(Now comes the dream)
I remember the night, a very peaceful night and sending you home.

I do not remember the modus operandi, I do not remember the vehicle of travel, all I remembered was I was BT and I left your place, longing for more time together. While I took the turn onto the PIE adam road exit, you gave me a call asking me if I wanted to do supper at Adam Rd and I was elated. I tried to navigate to Adam Rd but ended up in a very obscure corner of Clementi which I do not recognise. My car (I hope it was a car) turned into a bicycle and I had a flat tire. I lost all bearing and I didn't know what to do. I was stucked in Clementi, with no sense of direction, not knowing where to go and to spoil it all, I had a flat tire.

I haven't really tried analyzing dreams nor would I want to, I want them to appear and stay that way, a little random, a little out of this world and a little Tim Burton. The very least, I've immortalized this dream so I doubt I'll ever forget it unless I forget to look it up when this post goes to the back, or this blog gets dissolved.

I cannot deal with this. Not right now.

I have climbing stuff in my head that's not cleared, I have some things to do but it seems that my ability to procrastinate has reached its highest level. And now I think its starting to irritate the hell lot of other people. I'm feeling the heat. Worst still, I have a gig up tomorrow and I'm not fully sure if I am ready for it. Songs are in my head and I just hope I don't get a bad case of forgotten lyrics. My heart is racing. My mind is a mess. What have I achieved during my term in office. NOTHING. Gives me no good reason to run for a second term, gives me no good reason for people to vote for me. I guess people who know how I work would probably give me a vote of no confidence.

I am terribly stressed out right now. I need to wake up early in the morning to go to Holland V to collect a guitar and then rush to Royal Plaza, and then go to Peninsula for the last jam session before the gig and then rush over to Toa Payoh Stadium for the gig. I have so many things to think about right now when the only thing I should be thinking is about the song and the lyrics. I seriously think I should not run for a second term in office. I have nothing to show for AGM either, what have I brought to this club other than late and improper tabulations and compilations. I haven't been keeping tabs of all the documents either, thats the problem with juggling two computers I presume.

I'm very glad that I have been liberated by the chains that shackled my ankles. Sometimes we ask ourselves, did we wait in vain? Answer's pretty straight forward but what the heck, its over, why brood over it?

On another note, Krabi in two weeks and I can't wait. To skip off to some whimsical climber's paradise where we'd be greeted by clear waters, sheer rock faces and of course wonderful people. It's a good time for me to really sit and ponder, and probably get down to what I love doing most, climb, doodle, and ponder.

Mardy Bum-mer.